Roadies

Have I grown old? The dreams for getting into roadies ended before starting. I could not even get into auditions. I don’t know why wish to sound like a loser as if I desire to garner some sympathy votes. But this sucked. All those years, I could not get into this because I was studying in a small town (town? Or was it village?)called guwahati where there were no auditions for roadies or for that matter any other show. But now it was in my own city, New Delhi. It was my first and perhaps last chance. Last chance like for so many other activities such as Indian Air force. I knew the place too, and yet I missed it.
The other day I was discussing about audition with someone, and his first reaction was, ’dude , you are old now for all this.. you have too many other things now which you can’t just leave get your old fat ass into roadies!’. I hate to admit, he turned out to be right. I did not take off today. Dunno what came on my head that I cancelled my leave and came to office. If hadn’t done that I would have been there at audition on time. But the thought that stopped me for heading for audition was a sense of duty for reporting test, for the greed of saving one day’s pay, these things have indeed rendered me old enough no to have courage to do something else. But I don’t want this to happen. I am all of 23 for Christ’s sake and I feel old and tied in duties and responsibilites? Then what should people of my dad’s age do?
Some people were suggesting that I should tell about this audition in office to my manager and other colleagues. But do I have to? Rather should it not be little awkward? It’s like a movie I go to on some night, and telling the same at work? No. and I am not doing anything wrong. I have not been dishonest with my work. I gave it extra hours whenever it demanded. It’s like if I am wedded to my work, then I don’t commit adultery if I attend some of my other interests too.

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